"I feel like she's already won"

I finally felt my Husband's pain tonight as he said to me, "I feel like she's already won." My heart literally feels as though it's breaking; for him, for the kids, and for our family. My husband has always been a devoted Father and Husband to his first wife. He was married for several years when he found out she was having an affair. She divorced my Husband, and he was left to pick up the pieces of his life and start completely over.......but left to start over without his kids in his life on a daily basis. Not only was his marriage ripped away, but so were his kids.

I remember him telling me how awful it felt to not have his kids there at night to tuck them into bed. The sadness in his voice, I'll never forget. But, when he did have his weekly and weekend visits with his children, he was committed to being with them. He was definitely no sofa parent. He was involved. I immediately fell in love.

So now that his life is put back together and he's able to provide for his children as their Mother does, it would make sense for the both of them to have equal access to the children right? I mean, he was good enough to be an equal parent while they were married, so he should be good enough to be an equal parent while they are divorced, right? Wrong. He now has to fight for his rights as a Father. A right that he had while he was married, but somehow has lost because he's divorced? How does this make any sense? Where is the best interest of the kids in that?

It's not only family law we are up against, who by the way doesn't believe that just because you are a child's Father means you have any rights to them, just obligations, but we're also up against the children themselves. It's called PAS. Parental Alienation Syndrome.

It's masked pretty well, so well in fact, that sometimes you even question what's PAS and what's not. I can't quite point out specific details, well, except for a few. There's just something different. A few months ago these children were different. They were happy, they wanted to be here, they wanted to spend more time here, they enjoyed it here. Now, after this whole court process began, they barely seem interested in being here at all. It's heart breaking to see the change and to know what's happening, but you're unable to prove it. You feel hopeless, lost, and empty.

I told my Husband this evening that the children have an obligation to their family. To spend time with their family and to be together as a family at times. The sweet, caring, Daddy's little girl that could not detach herself from his side, is now detached and distant. I don't recognize this little girl anymore, and I don't think her Father does either.

He walked away from me and said, "I feel like she's already won." BM that is. He may be right. I don't know if he has enough fight left in him. I just want to shake the family law system and yell, "Look at what you are doing to these kids by not holding these BM's accountable for their actions!!!!" You are destroying more lives than you are helping! Would it do any good? Probably not. The whole system revolves around politics, and who is scratching who's back.  And what better way to keep the funds and the kickbacks coming in than to continue being pro BM.

I'm not done with the fight. The fight may come to an end with my Husband with his children, and he may very well lose his fight for his children, but I will continue to fight for every Father out there that just wants extra time with their kids. There are so many deadbeat Dad's out there, a Father who WANTS to be in their child's life, should NOT have to fight for it.